Monday, August 22, 2011

Music Monday (I'm on a roll!)

For this here Merry Musical Monday I have chosen to explore songs that make me giggle to the point of nearly shattering my ribcage. Well, OK, maybe they don't make me laugh that hard. But these songs are pretty damn funny, don't you agree? I've also come to the decision that there is no point in posting a video that is not an actual video (via Caleb), so in the absence of such a video, I shall post a soundcloud or grooveshark.

Let us begin:

"Three Point One Four" - Bloodhound Gang 

"Vagina vagina vagina vagina"
I sang this song during P.E. in 8th grade. Back then, it was the shit. And now? Still the shit. I mean, these guys are dirty geniuses to come up with the lyrics to this, and to Bad Touch (yall remember that one, right?).
Full lyrics
My last girlfriend didn't like me, thought she might be
Most likely a dyke she just didn't excite me
Lefty? Yeah but that was alright
She was hotter than the sun but she just wasn't that bright
My mistake she was more flaky than a leper colony
I think a wooden clothespin would have been much better company
Ass like a donkey acting funky gave her "L" now she's a flunky
So my love for her died quicker than a batch of Sea Monkeys
Early bird gets the worm spread your legs or spread the word
So what if I'm not the smartest peanut in the turd
I'm white which goes with everything but I can come in any color
And I'm looking for the kind of girl that reminds me of my mother
But it's hard to find a girl with a viper tattooed on her tushy
And how many girls do you know that can play the harmonica with their pussies?
Like em' easy and hot and sweet like a Rice Krispie Treat, gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Calvin Klein? Kind of North Carolina

Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up
I'd fill the generation gap clean the cobwebs from her rafters
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture
No age just ain't a gauge I like my girls like my cheese
Preferably for me fat-free American singles only
I want my next chick anorexic, the winner is the thinner
Won't have to take her skinny ass out to a fancy dinner
Like Sizzler she got a beef we'll chew the fat
If I forget to put the seat up I can put up with her crap
Let her lash out and crack the whip but not in bed I don't play rough
No I can't be tied down with a girl that wants me tied up
Just independent like NOFX ,smart like Janeane Garafolo
She'd use big words to make fun of me so that I would never know
Bestow upon me all her wisdom of the Dewey Decimal System, gee
You know what I really want in a girl? Me

I need to find a new vagina
Any kind of new vagina
It's hard to rhyme a word like vagina
Kevin Klein? Kind of South Carolina

Vagina vagina vagina vagina
Vagina vagina vagina vagina

"Tutti Frutti Summer Love" - Gunther

"It's a No No, and you like it."

This guy broke into the scene with Ding Dong Song, and then became an international sensation. I first saw this video when my cousin showed it to the entire family on Christmas, and what a grand Christmas present it was! I mean, this video is re-donk-u-lous in every respect. 
0:15 - Those boys are not wearing any protective gear. Who allowed them to leave the house in tighty whities? And why are they in a self proclaimed "sexy" man's music video? Europeans are strange.
0:27 - RANDOM fat dude in a casual friday t-shirt got leid and learned to pick at a guitar.
0:35 - These girls are not very attractive in the face, are they? I kinda want to use an eraser on their faces, starting with their mouths.
0:41 - Pencil stache and a mullet. Winning.
0:44 - "Honey you're so cute" tighty whitey dude is in the air.
0:47 - Why are the women more clothed than then men?
0:48 - "Bananas, melonas" subtle, Gunther.
1:34 - The reflector has been stolen. Uhoh.
2:15 - Shake those tighty whities!
2:42 - Silhouette in front of the full moon. Poetic. Really illuminates the "No No."
3:14 - PENIS

"Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" - Tracy Jordan (Morgan)

"So we pulled ourselves together and were Wolf men again, just in time for Monster Fight to begin! (Noooooo)"

Normally I wouldn't condone that of Tracy Morgan because he is a homophobic bastard, but here lies the acceptation. My sister, my brother-in-law, and I have had quite a laugh to this song, and it hasn't gotten old (for me) after about a year of constant play. I just love the interaction between Tracy and Donald Glover. Donald actually wrote the song, so that makes me feel better about liking it.
full lyrics
Donald Glover: Aw man, Tray, look up at the sky! It's a full moon... on the Sabbath.
Tracy: This is... scary!
Producer: Break it down.

I was working late on my Haftorah
when I heard a knock on my bedroom-doorah
I opened it up and to my surprise
there was a werewolf standing there with glowing gold eyes
he says tomorrow my son you will be a man
but tonight's the time to join the wolfen clan
tomorrow you will stand at the bimah and pray
but tonight let's gaze at the moon and bay

Werewolf bar mitzvah
Spooky scary
Boys becoming men
Men becoming wolves

Donald Glover: Alright, that was great Tray.
Ok, it's over. That's a wrap!

The next day what happened, the Talmud didn't teach
Donald Glover: Oh, there's more...
Tracy: I got up in front of everyone to give my little speech
then my teeth turned into fangs and my nails into claws
and I nearly dropped the Torah when my hands turned into paws
I growled and I roared and my rabbi did as well
it was a rocking werewolf zoo at Temple Beth-Emmanuel

Donald Glover: Ey man, where'd you learn all these Jewish words?
Tracy: My manager, Harvey Lemmings.
Werewolf bar mitzvah
Spooky scary
Boys becoming men
Men becoming wolves

Donald Grover: I don't, I just don't think this, the idea of the song can sustain its self for that long because it seems a little sweaty now
Tracy: This whole premise is sweaty.

We had a reception at the Larchmont Country Club
they served a real nice brisket and an eight foot party sub
I danced with my cousins, I got money from my folks
we had a lot of fun making circumcision jokes
Donald Glover: Uh-uh
Tracy: then I remembered the premise of my song
I was at a nice reception but the werewolf part was gone
so we pulled ourselves together and we're wolfmen again
just in time for monster fight to begin
Donald Glover: Noooo...
Tracy: all the country club employees were brainsucking pack
who had all turned into zombies and were on the attack
Donald Glover: No, man...
Tracy: so we fought them and some draculas and frankensteins too
cause you gotta love bar mitzvah, even if you're not a

Donald Glover: There's no such thing as "Frankensteins"..."steins". No plural Frankenstein.
Tracy: Werewolf bar mitzvah
Spooky scary
Boys becoming men
Men becoming wolves

Werewolf bar mitzvah
Kooky hairy
Boys becoming men
Men becoming wolves

I don't want this... I don't like this... this is scary! Turning into werewolves and stuff, you know?
Donald Glover: I dunno Tray, I'm not feeling it. This ain't no "Dick In A Box".
Tracy: [Arooououou!]
Donald Glover: Mazal tov.

"Peacock" - Katy Perry

I love ChatRoulette. I love crazy videos that come out of chat roulette. Like this piano guy. And this guy that draws people... but especially this peacock dancer. I mean, the song was funny even before the video, but this just makes it 10000s better.

Sorry I only came up with 4 today. It's my first day of school at ACC, so I hope that's a good enough excuse.

I'm going to give yall a homework assignment (mostly because I don't have time to make a playlist right now): look up the following songs and tell me on a scale of 1-10 how ridiculously hilarious they each are, and give me some examples of songs that make you laugh, because this list is starting to get a little dated.

Afroman "Crazy Rap"
The Bloodhound Gang "Three Point One Four", "Bad Touch"
Dropkick Murphys "Irish Drinking Song"
Foxy Brown "Candy"
Gnar Kill "Erection"
Gogol Bordello "Start Wearing Purple"
Gunther "Tutti Frutti Summer Love", "Ding Dong Song"
Joe Walsh "I Like Big Tits"
Katy Perry "Peacock"
The Lonely Island - any song ever.
Lyle Lovett "Don't Touch My Hat"
Mickey Avalon "My Dick", "Waiting to Die",
Paul Thorn "Viagra", "It's a Great Day to Whoop Somebody's Ass"
Tenacious D "Fuck Her Gently", "Tribute" and anything else ever.
Tracy Jordan "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah"

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