Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Obama Loves Bieber, but From Afar

pic from Mediaite

Let's say your favorite celebrity is Justin Bieber (Stick with me). Let's say you wrote a letter to Bieber, and never got a response. What would be your second move? Write a letter to the president of the United States asking him to make Bieber respond? That's what 14 year old Payton Wall did!
Payton Wall, 14, whose dad died in the 2001 attack on New York's World Trade Center, originally wrote a letter to the "Baby" hitmaker asking to meet him, and when she received no response, she called on President Obama in a bid to make her dream come true. (via SF Gate) 
So Obama met Payton at Ground Zero (Bieber-less). Is the site of her father's death really the best place BO could come up with to meet the 14-year-old? He made-up for her traumatizing childhood by promising to arrange the meeting with Bieber.

I imagine the conversation went something like this-
Obama: Yo Biebz, I got a gal for you.
Bieber: A gal, OB? Just 'cause I look like a lesbian doesn't mean I am one.
Obama: Meet the bitch and I'll give you a dollar.
Bieber: Yeah ok.
However the conversation went, it worked out for Payton Wall. Obama arranged the meeting, which occurred this weekend. OB was absent.

YO OBAMA! I wanna meet Edward Norton. Help a sista out? I don't know anyone that died on 9/11, but I did make up a song about it the day after it happened, if that helps.
Terrorists, terrorists you killed our people.
Terrorists, terrorists you slayed.
Twin towers, twin towers how could you fall down
Down into the empty grave.

I want a refund.

HEY TEXAS - Remember when I offered to trade our weather for yours? and then we did? Yeah, I kinda meant longer than a week.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Alice @ 97.3 hate gays.

This weekend is going to be fairly epic.
My own personal Nebraskan is flying in for an appearance.
I'll be wearing hardly any clothing,
The entire city of San Francisco will liquored up...


Y'all remember last year

Here's a shocker: I'm not 21 WHAT WHAT! Who knew? Yeah ok everyone knew.
Since I cannot attend all the official Pride festivities (aside from the main event) I will not tell you about them. What I will tell you is where my Nebraskan and I will be on Friday: The Mission; and where my Nebraskan, our Mama and I will be on Saturday night: The Mission & Castro; and where my Nebraskan, our Mama, and thousands of gays will be on Sunday: Civic Center.

Know where gays won't be on Saturday?
Really though, does this not sound like an ounce of fun?
Matt Nathanson, OneRepublic, Michelle Branch, Parachute & Andrew Allen are going to be on stage for a free show this Sunday from noon-4 in Golden Gate Park.
Riddle me this, Sarah & Vinny, why is it that Alice @97.3 puts on a decent sounding show every year the same day as Pride? Are there not enough weekends in the summer for you to choose from that you have to exclude the out and proud? Something smells fishy, and it's not my pants.

UPDATE 10:22am 
Who the fuck is Sandra Bernhard and why is she headlining Pride this year?
What happened to the days of Gaga and Backstreet Boys?
Why aren't Matt Nathanson, OneRepublic, Michelle Branch, Parachute, and Andrew Allen playing at Pride? I mean, since they're already in SF and everything... Wouldn't that make more sense?

This whole situation is bugging me.

UPDATE 10:27am
Have you heard of anyone from the lineup at Pride? Cause I haven't.

11:05-11:50DJ Paul Goodyear
12:20Brenda Reed
12:30Grand Marshals
12:50Tales of the City
1:00Mark Leno & Trevor Project
1:05Bishop Flunder & the City of Refuge Choir
1:25Butch County
1:40Last Regiment of Syncopated Drummers
1:55Foxee and Liam
2:00Derrick Barry
2:15Stiletto Ghetto
2:30Kat Graham
2:45Cheer SF
3:25Linda Perry/Deep Dark Robot
3:50Jessica 6
4:10Big Freedia
4:45Wendy Ho
4:55Sandra Bernhard
5:30Taxi Doll
6:00Sister Crayon

UPDATE 11:23am
Michelle Branch's new single kinda sucks.

UPDATE 11:43am
I stopped caring about anybody but OneRepublic. Thank goodness they're playing last (3:45ish). I think I can have it all: Pride Parade, Pride Festival, AND OneRepublic! Sweet.

Monday, June 20, 2011


I have a new mission: to build Hobolot, a monstrous cardboard castle located in the center of Austin. Eventually, I shall expand far enough to swallow the entire city into my own boundaries and rule it as Queen. Thousands of years from now, my biography shall become the world's best selling book ever, which will prompt Amazon to finally list the Bible as fiction.

Really though, I need to find a place to live before this becomes reality. I'd make a terrible Queen.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

There be a zoom feature on my fancy digital cam-er-a

I went to Texas and all I got were these lousy photos
(click to enlarge)

Los Angeles - not even God wants to look at it.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Transportation vs. Adventure

Golden Gate Transit sucks, and boy do they suck hard. Today I missed my ferry because it left 10 minutes EARLY. Oh, and I wasn't the only one! No, two other people ran toward the premature gate closure to find the ramp already lifted and our only hope for getting to work on time leaving us behind.
See ya later alligator!
The entire city of San Francisco is aware of how hard MUNI sucks. There are entire blogs written about it (Muni Diaries, Bay Area Transit (SF Gate), Fog City Notes, M Ocean View Journal, Rescue Muni, to name a few). I've written about several accounts I've had on MUNI, GGT and Amtrak via various internet avenues and shall share with you my favorite tweets (of mine, of course. Did you forget I'm narcissistic?)

You may or may not remember when I wrote about the time my Clipper card got stolen and charged $35. That sucked. I've also written about the 8BX driver that sang Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" (also published by MuniDiaries). That rocked. There was also that time my 8X turned into a 9L. That was annoying.

In all honesty, I'm going to miss riding Bay Area public transportation. The drunks on the 22 and 14, crackheads on the T-line, father/mother-time looking asian people on the 8x, the severely obese man on the 67... I've had quite the multitude of adventures riding SF busses.

There is one thing (probably more than one) that is allowing me to run to Austin with wide open arms and a heart full of excitement: free (!!!) bus fare. Austin Community College and UT Austin students ride the buses for free. TAKE THAT, SAN FRANCISCO! Plus it's considerably flatter than SF, allowing me more bicycle usage.

Though, in all likelihood, I'll end up getting a car. It is Texas, after all.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Carnaval 2011: Beautiful Women & Bored Children

I was dazzled by this year's Carnaval parade. Last year was a'ight, but this year was spectacular: sparkly tits, jungle-themed floats, and dogs with broken tongues.
There was a noticeable change this year, though, in the children on the floats. Maybe I just didn't take notice last year, but they seemed to be super bored. Is desensitization to blame, or was I like this at that age? (click to enlarge)

Despite the young downers, I declare a Carnaval success.

at least there was 1 little girl getting her groove on.