Sunday, April 24, 2011

Hunky Jesus Contest (Happy Easter)

Self proclaimed "The Hunky Jesus" (didn't actually win)
Self proclaimed "The Hunky Jesus" (didn't actually win)

I've got a few things to go over with yall, kids. 1st being the real story behind Easter (wtf do bunnies and eggs have to do with Zombie Jesus?), and 2nd: The Hunky Jesus Contest at Dolores Park earlier today.

Each and every year I must remind my friends of the true spirit of Easter. My mother told me the story long ago: It was a well known fact, in the villiage, that  Jesus was going to come back and grace them with his presence. In preparation for His arrival a few things had to be done: any and all barbed wire had to be taken down, every house had to be repainted, and eggs were to be unseen. Why eggs, you ask? Jesus had a terrible problem with high cholesterol, and nobody forgot this! His favorite breakfast item, though, was indeed eggs benedict. He couldn't help himself! The village had to take it upon themselves to hide all the eggs so Jesus couldn't have even the option of indulging his unhealthy habits. When He arrived, the first thing he noticed, of course, was the lack of readily available eggs. When asked where all the eggs had gone, one towns-person replied, "Well... uhhhhhhh you see, Mr. Jesus, Sir.... We had a problem with the rabbits stealing them, and that's where all the eggs have gone. Sir." Jesus left in a fury. In order for the village to avoid reeking of rotten eggs over the next few days, the children were enlisted to search the fields and bring them all back home.

And that, my friends, is the true story of Easter.

On with the Hunky Jesus Contest!

condom nose jesus
Drunk Condom Nose Jesus

"Before and After" Jesus(es)
"Before and After" Jesus(es)

Grilled Cheesus
Grilled Cheesus (behind the sister)

Sacramental Jesus
Sacramental Jesus

Sumo Wrestler Jesus
Sumo Jesus

Nun Whipping Jesus
Nun Whipping Jesus

"The Hunky Jesus" penis
not impressed.

There you have it, children.
Videos will be added to my youtube shortly (I'll probably post them here or on my tumblr once they're done uploading), and more photos (with play-by-play!) are up on my brand spankin new flickr page.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day, err'body!

Here's the video containing footage of the winner: Jesus *Fucking* Christ

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