Thursday, January 20, 2011

Pop goes the trigger

Text from: Amanda
I’ll be there at 10

Class ended early. I arose from my sad chair along the side of the classroom. I was stuck among the rejects, the defectives that our fair school that has deemed unworthy of early registration; not until we establish and prove ourselves. I dropped my pen. 3rd fucking time I’ve dropped my pen in the past hour. How embarrassing for me. I grabbed it from under my chair along with my fedora. Someone complimented me on my hat; +5 self confidence. Too bad I won’t be able to add this class. Are this many people really interested in Geography? Let’s move on to Graphic Design.

“This class is not a computer oriented class.” Downer. Now I’m in the mission, alone, with nothing to do for the next two and a half hours. Cancun + beer. Time killer. Problem solved.

Trigger: A vein of Castro among the out and proud crowd. Surrounded by scandalous tattooed mongrels with permanent smiles - mostly. I feel like that chair: not yet worthy but trying so hard to be accepted. I m a virgin. That’s right Bailey & Hana, I said it, a virgin. I am in fact a virgin lesbian. Sure I’m a promiscuous hereto, but that’s beside the point: virgin homo.

10:15 - ID accepted. +2 cleverness. But woe is me, Amanda is not here yet. Time to hang out in the smoke room. Why is it that smokers are so much easier to talk to than other people? The fact that something like that can be so social boggles my mind. Nobody believes the “you’re cool if you smoke” persona. Quite the opposite, rather.

“Hey, some day I’m likely to have a hole in my neck and cost my family a ton of money in medical bills and funeral costs! Nice to meet you!”

“Got a cig I can buy off you?” I nod and begin the epic journey that is me searching my purse. While he waited for me to return from the depths of my purple Coach cave, I was informed of his lack of $1 bills or any sort of change and he asked if a magic trick would suffice. +8 awesomeness for this guy! He asked me to pick a card - I chose the 2 of spades - and put it back in the pile without showing him. He shuffled around while trying to make quick conversation, handed me a 5 of hearts and told me to look at it and then hold it face down in my hand. Then without touching my card, he told me to flip it over again and it was a damn 2 of spades. OMS (Oh My Science) this dude is wondrous. After he invited me on a 4 day trip to Vegas with him (which I declined) a woman in a white coat got my attention. Her name is Tammy. I was infatuated. She’s a fox and a conversationalist. Her smooth brown hair was tied in a bun and I appreciated how this accentuated her gorgeous cheek bones. And her neck! Is it wrong to be attracted to somebody’s neck? The correct answer is no. Hers is fabulous. She talked about living in Japan while in the Marines and how she’s shy and finds it difficult to approach people without the social comfort of smoking or asking for a cigarette (I’m melting). We talked and talked as more people packed into the bar area and the smoke room filled with that glorious film of amber colored atmospheric cancer. It was time to find Amanda.

Tammy came in with me and we ordered our drinks. $4 Corona or $4 Jameson & Coke? Obvious choice. Lets get sloppy! We parted ways as soon as I found Amanda. She was rather quiet, so I found myself peeking around the room for Tammy. Don’t get me wrong, Amanda’s a great girl. I’ve had a crush on her for some time now.

We infiltrated the VIP corner! A girl named Jessica was turning 27? Who cares. Jessica noticed me and her sister poured us shots. She’s cute. Jessica, not the sister. Well both. But yeah, Jessica. Birthday girl. We got to talking, but it was so loud and I was preoccupied with keeping track of Amanda and Tammy that I have no idea what we talked about, or when we started making out. I don’t like that term, making out. Let’s go british. Whilst in the midst of our snogging, Jessica some how convinced me to go with her in her limo.

“Where are we going?” I didn’t really care, I was already in the limo. No turning back.
“Fremont!” FML. Ok, don’t panic, I don’t have class tomorrow until 2. Plenty of time to escape in the... my my, Jessica is pretty. And a great kisser to boot! Her breasts are gloriously large. I got a little carried away and forgot there were other people in the limo with us. My bad. Upon arriving at Jessica’s house, we ravished each other. It was glorious.

I’ve been christened.
Happy Birthday, Jessica.

Side Note: Tammy, if you’re reading this - though I have not presented the greatest image of myself in this account - contact me!

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