Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I’ve been doing a lot of waiting around lately. I am currently waiting for my ride to some supposed fabulous party in UpScale Marin with some people I don’t know, and some I do. The hype makes the wait worth it: a mansion-esque house, comfortable company, prospective conversations with people I don’t know, seafood, sangria...

That’s one type of waiting I do every day; waiting for busses, waiting for my sister to get home, waiting for my favorite show to air online somewhere, waiting for my manager to be ready to leave for work - lots of waiting. This is to be expected. I suppose the amount of time spent waiting by the average person may rival that of the average amount of time the average person (depending on age) sleeps. Together that’s a lot of time spent idle, though not a waste - in my opinion. Sleep allows refreshment after activity (ideally), and waiting creates a buffer between living life and sleeping - prime contemplation and reflection time. What is a waste, however, is the other kind of waiting I have come to find myself taking part in.

I am moving to Austin this summer, this is no secret. I’ve said it a thousand times, and I’ll say it seven thousand more times before it happens - and then remind everyone that I live in Austin once I get there. I have some time before I leave, though, and I feel like I’m in purgatory. I don’t go out as much anymore because what’s the point? I’m only going to miss my friends more if I get closer to them, and probably miss San Francisco so much that I get homesick. I’ve come to the realization that all this is going to happen anyway. No matter how close I get to those around me, I’ll miss them. No matter where I go, I’ll miss San Francisco. I’m tired of spending my time in inactivity. My carelessness has caused me to come close to the brink of losing contact with my friends that live a few streets away from me, and caused me to fall behind in my classes. Lately I’ve spend a great deal of my time at home watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix.

I’ve been making excuses for this lethargy. My fake ID recently got taken from me, almost as soon as I got it. I wrapped my social life around acting older than I am, and rationalized this by comparing our society to that of the rest of the world and the fact that I would be considered an adult anywhere else. I’ve got a year left to figure out how to make friends, fall in love, and have a great deal of fun without centering myself around and abundance of alcohol. No more excuses.

My point to this awkward rambling is to urge my friends to take my lead (and help me) in promoting creativity, action, and making memories for ourselves. This is my written contract (mentally signed) that I will not remain idle.

No comments:

Post a Comment